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Alternative to Victims and Anxiety

I am currently writing a book on leadership for lawyers. As I write, it becomes quite apparent to me that in order to be a successful leader, a lawyer must assume 100% responsibility for their success. As a part of this, it is necessary and critical to recognize and replace victim mentality and it’s byproduct, self-induced anxiety. The replacement is leadership orientation which starts with programming our subconscious minds with the right questions and orientation.

Both victim mentality and anxiety are major obstacles to successful influence. Victim mentality is essentially making a villain out of the other person and declaring oneself a victim to the other person’s bad behavior. Examples include: “The meeting went poorly because the other lawyer is a jerk.” “I am not succeeding because the system is broken.” Anxiety is a fight or flight reaction to making up a story that has oneself a victim to a villain. Although formulated in a way to self exculpate oneself from responsibility and blame the other, leaders must be 100% responsible to succeed. It may be easier to declare the other to be an [fill in favorite adjective[, though it is antagonistic to successful leadership.

Again, both victim mentality and anxiety are completely self-induced and compromise success, health and fulfillment. To derail both, it is necessary to see how and why stories are made up, and how our emotions are the byproduct of the stories. Leaders cannot afford to make up the negative stories AND must plant the right seeds so that those they seek to lead make up favorable stories towards the leader’s influence.

If you are interested in improving your capacity to lead and influence and you would like to earn some easy CLE credit, check out our CLE webinar on September 15: Lessons from Aristotle.

Twenty-three hundred years ago, Aristotle laid out a three-step process for achieving exceptional results in persuasion and influence. This class translates the process for modern-day lawyers and shows lawyers how to employ Aristotle’s model to negotiate more effectively and achieve better results for clients.

- Negotiate more effectively using Aristotle’s three elements of persuasion.
- Learn how to inspire cooperation and support and increase influence.
- Significantly reduce anxiety and acrimony when dealing with difficult people.

This and many other great courses are also available ON DEMAND to view at your convenience.

All of our programs are 40% during the month of September. To take advantage of this offer, use Coupon Code: September40 during checkout.

For more information, please visit The Likeable Lawyer website:

Earn Discretionary Support

A likeable lawyer has an easier time achieving objectives because they gain the discretionary support and cooperation from those who might otherwise be obstacles. We might call these lawyers charming, charismatic, or smooth persuaders. Though regardless of the label, what these likeable lawyers have in common is that they know how to earn the desire of their unconscious minds of those they need in order to succeed. They intuit the decision-influencing power of the unconscious mind, and they know how to attract and influence that power in their favor.

Most lawyers know how to present brilliantly reasoned requests and proposals. They love to present their logic and they like to be right and to seem brilliant. These same lawyers often find and report that they have to deal with quite a few ornery, difficult, hard-headed, stubborn and lazy people. These others must be these caricatures and categories of difficult, for how else would you explain their inability to follow the brilliantly reasoned request that the lawyer presented to them?! Or perhaps there is another explanation.

The Likeable Lawyer is presenting two classic CLE Approved Webinars on August 31 that clearly demonstrate with insight and relevant examples how to earn the discretionary support of those who are needed to accomplish client objectives.

The Trusted Lawyer is illustrated with colorful examples and anecdotes and examines the effects of a lawyer’s credibility and trust on their ability to win arguments and influence people. Discover the consequences of unintentional communication, and become better equipped to meet your clients’ objectives.

The Persuasive Lawyer takes you beyond logical argument, examines persuasion in a fresh light and gives lawyers skills to effectively persuade anyone—including clients, opposing counsel, and staff.

Both courses are also available On Demand to view at your convenience. Both are approved for CLE credit. For more information about all of our programs, please visit

Choose Wisely

Many people (both with and without J.D.’s) believe that a lawyer has to be an aggressive bulldog to get the best results. I don’t think this is the case at all. Not to say that aggressive lawyers are always ineffective. They can achieve results. As can assertive, creative, persuasive, smart and charming lawyers. There are many roads to success. I suggest lawyers choose the one that gets great results and is most in alignment with their values. For most lawyers, that is a more likeable approach. For those that wish to increase collaboration, reduce conflict and stress, and increase effectiveness, I invite you to join our upcoming MCLE webinar, The Inspired Lawyer.

In this program you will learn to:

  • Use empathy and other-person consideration to command greater influence.
  • Create an achievable plan for a more successful law career.
  • Diffuse tension in negotiations and overcome challenges when working with others.

The Inspired Lawyer will be offered as a Webinar on July 28. It is also available anytime On Demand to watch on your computer (along with many other great CLE classes). For more information about The Likeable Lawyer and our popular CLE programs, please visit

Aristotle, JD

Want to learn how to apply Aristotle’s Rhetoric to help any lawyer negotiate better results and become more persuasive?

Check out the Lessons from Aristotle webinar from The Likeable Lawyer coming up on June 23, from 9:30-5:30. Approved for 6.5-8 hours of CLE credit (including ethics/professionalism) in most states.

Twenty-three hundred years ago, Aristotle laid out a three-step process for achieving exceptional results in persuasion and influence. This class translates the process for modern-day lawyers and shows lawyers how to employ Aristotle’s model to negotiate more effectively and achieve better results for clients.

  • Negotiate more effectively using Aristotle’s three elements of persuasion
  • Improve negotiation results with advance interest-based planning
  • Maintain clarity during times of stress

The course is also available On Demand, Digital Download and on DVD.

For more information, please visit:

Likeable Mediation

Beyond Compromise: A Unique Mediation Model that Takes Parties on a Creative Journey to Discover Better Agreements that Achieve More of Everyone’s Objectives.

The Likeable Approach to Creative Agreement and Resolution. Since 2003, The Likeable Lawyer has inspired lawyers with a unique approach to CLE. Our material teaches advocates how to reduce acrimony and work more creatively and effectively with opposing counsel. Our negotiation models have helped over 50,000 lawyers expand the range of options in order to create better resolutions and achieve more of their clients’ objectives.

The Likeable Lawyer now offers a unique mediation service that facilitates our creative and expansive approach. Suited to any situation where the parties desire win-win resolutions and durable agreements, our mediation model takes parties through the steps of our expansive negotiation models to expand the possibilities and creatively discover better solutions to a variety of situations. Unlike traditional mediation which has one neutral mediator helping the parties forge a resolution they can live with, our two facilitator approach coaches parties through a process that generates creative solutions intended to fully satisfy the goals of all concerned.

  • Our expert facilitation will help you avoid the polarized combativeness that inhibits creativity.
  • We facilitate collaborative brainstorming sessions that reveal brilliant ways to achieve more of everyone’s objectives.

Whether to resolve a dispute (in or out of litigation), create a new partnership, or reach a lasting agreement of any kind, our unique approach helps parties arrive at creative, expansive agreements that achieve more of everyone’s important objectives.

Click here to learn more about Likeable Mediation. To learn more about The Likeable Lawyer, please visit:

Likeable Mediation

Have you heard the expression that mediation is considered successful if all parties leave unhappy with the agreement reached?

Beginning later this year, The Likeable Lawyer will introduce a new expansive mediation service that will help parties reach better agreements. Facilitated by two expert lawyer/mediators (each assigned to one of the parties seeking to reach agreement or resolution), the parties will be guided through an Expansive Negotiation model which increases cooperation and creativity, and guides parties to reach a better agreement than they would have reached with non-facilitated negotiation and traditional mediation. It is a better agreement because the process incorporates brainstorming and negotiation processes that help discover creative ways for all parties to get more of what they want and need from the agreement.

Our Likeable Facilitators are highly trained in using our Expansive Negotiation model. In fact, they co-developed the models and have been teaching our processes and approach to tens of thousands of lawyers across the United States over the past 15 years. We are experts in guiding past the pitfalls that often derail and frustrate negotiations. Working with the parties, our facilitated model expertly guides the parties towards a creative, expansive resolution that leaves all parties happy with the agreement reached.

I could use your help. What should we call this new service: Likeable Mediation? Expansive Mediation Services? If you have any ideas, please send me an email: Thank you in advance for you time and thought.

We will have more information on our website about our new service soon. In the meantime, for information about our unique CLE programs which include the models that we will facilitate with our new mediation service, please visit:

Looking for Inspiration

If you have hopes for a more successful and fulfilling life as a lawyer, I invite you to check out The Likeable Lawyer‘s highly-rated CLE program, The Inspired Lawyer.

This six hour program (approved for 6-8 hours of MCLE credit (including ethics) in most states), is for lawyers at any career stage and will teach you a set of leadership, counseling and persuasion skills that will increase your sway with clients and colleagues, and help you create a more successful and rewarding law practice.

In this program you will learn to:

  • Use empathy and other-person consideration to command greater influence.
  • Create an achievable plan for a more successful law career.
  • Diffuse tension in negotiations and overcome challenges when working with others.

This program will be presented live by webinar on January 31, 2017 from 9 am until 4:30 pm central time, and is also available in convenient On Demand and Video Download formats.

For more information about CLE programs offered by The Likeable Lawyer, please visit:

Thinking Can Increase Success

The power of thinking actually works both ways: thinking can increase, but also derail success with your programming thoughts. Therefore, if we want to increase success, we might look for any sabotaging thinking patterns and replace them with thinking patterns that increase achieving our goals.

There are many examples where our thinking can program the outcome. For example, when we make a mistake, we will generally ask ourselves one of two categories of questions: Judging Questions: What was I thinking? Why am I such an idiot? What were they thinking?, etc.; or Leadership Questions: How can I still accomplish my objective, What can I do to improve the situation?, etc. Regardless of which type of question you ask yourself, your subconscious mind will go about answering the very question posed. As you can imagine, judging questions evoke judging responses that are not productive and often lead to enhanced suffering, whereas leadership questions engage the subconscious mind to come up with creative strategies to accomplish ones objectives.

This is one example of where conscious understanding of how our mind works can help us better accomplish ours and our clients’ objectives. The Likeable Lawyer  is offering December Webinars that delve deeply into this topic and not only help you better accomplish your goals, but also get you CLE credits, including Ethics and Professionalism hours. Lessons from Aristotle is a full-day CLE Webinar that is packed with useful advise on how to increase your influence, success and wellbeing in the practice of law. This program is also available On Demand for those who prefer to watch on their own schedule. For more information, please visit:

We are Responsible for Our Choices

Lawyering can be stressful and adversarial. There is often much at stake as clients seek to accomplish important objectives and avoid or overcome loss. Lawyers often play a significant role in the outcome achieved. A lawyer with both substantive and relationship competence might achieve a better than expected result; whereas, a lawyer who lacks either of these categories of competence may antagonize the path towards achieving client objectives.

Serving as a lawyer is a lot of responsibility, and that responsibility often results in tension and stress that must also be successfully navigated in order to avoid pitfalls and maximize results. Lawyers must also have the ability to influence, and towards that end, should have the skills to avoid personality conflicts that often derail productive working relationships.

In this regard, it is critical to recognize when destructive conflict is potential (before it happens), and to develop skills to take 100% responsibility for our relationships with everyone, including clients and opposing counsel. And while it might be tempting to blame others for counterproductive working relationships, it is far more empowering to assume full responsibility for not only the relationships, but also for our choices in how we respond to their actions and behaviors when conflict is still potential. They may do something that irritates or offends us. We have a choice in how to respond. Are we choosing to respond in a way to reduce the likelihood of aggravated conflict? Or are we choosing a response that exacerbates the likelihood?

This is the subject matter that The Likeable Lawyer explores in its CLE programs. Our classes  give lawyers the tools to navigate professional relationships in order to better persuade, negotiate and gain the support needed to achieve client objectives. We are offering some valuable CLE Webinars in December to help you beat the CLE reporting deadline and give you skills you will use to stay on track and better achieve client objectives. Click on this link to see a list of upcoming webinars. Most of our courses are also available On Demand and via Video Download. For more information about our company and our CLE approved classes, please visit:

Leadership for Lawyers

Lawyers are service providers, most often hired to help clients achieve objectives. Pursuing those objectives with the highest degree of competence and skill, and developing the influence needed for support and cooperation are two critical skills for success.

Leadership is required any time a lawyer has a goal or objective that he or she is unable to accomplish alone. To succeed, the lawyer needs at least one other person to willingly choose to follow them. Examples include: jury or bench argument, negotiation, running an office or even client development.

Logical argument alone is not enough to win their support. Perceptions of credibility, trust, care and empathy must be successfully communicated or logical argument will fall upon deaf ears.

To discover how to greatly increase your influence and persuasiveness by managing the perceptions of those you need to succeed, register for The Likeable Lawyer upcoming webinars: The Trusted Lawyer, and The Persuasive Lawyer. Both are being offered by Webinar on September 30, 2016, and are also available On Demand, or by Video Download. These CLE programs are packed with helpful insights that will improve your ability to achieve and exceed client expectations, and will earn you CLE credit (including ethics) without you having to leave your office.

For more information, visit:

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